Ok. So today starts the beginning of many things for me. The discovery of my voice through writing, the discovery of the me within, a new chapter, a new journey, courageous action toward inspired thoughts, and this place, to document all of the moments along the path…
I don’t imagine this journey will have an end, but I do expect many twists and turns which I cannot anticipate completely at this juncture. However, I do plan to enjoy the moments, surprises, and even the difficulties. To face them all with wonder and love; looking for the opportunities they bring and allowing my decisions to flow from my heart and not from my ego and my head. Easier said than done, I know! But as with all things worth doing, there must be a starting off place, an expectation of skinned knees and bruised egos, and a willingness to embrace them.
So this is my pledge.
I know there will be times of failure. And in those instances, I will choose to be kind to myself, forgive, and refocus. As I have learned from so many great people, the ability to recommit is how you win. It’s not in doing it perfectly.
I would also like to add that I currently have many frustrations and challenges in my life. Don’t we all! But I no longer want to solve them from the point of ego. Which, by the way, has been leading me for as long as I can remember! And what I found is that it was only making things worse. Making me focus on negative thoughts, negative self talk, and actions, that at times, I couldn’t believe were stemming from me.
Because they weren’t.
They were coming from a place of trying to belong to something that I am not. Clinging to some imaginary finish line, that every time I neared, was only pushed further back, justifying the self talk, and continuing the circle of negativity and sadness within.
This reminds me of a time I once took LSD.
I was around 15 and had a trip where everything kept repeating, and because of that, nothing could be accomplished. It was very confusing and somewhat terrifying, to say the least! Yet, that is how I was leading my waking life. On repeat. I have come to believe that activity may just be a course in insanity. And last I checked, I don’t believe I am insane.
Strange, yes. Not normal, of course! But insane? Not yet, anyway!
I CAN recall moments in my life however, where I did allow my heart to lead me instead of my ego. Where I took action based on faith, felt fear and did it anyway. One of those moments was when, at the age of 23, I decided to travel throughout Europe, by myself, for an indefinite time frame, or at least as long as the money lasted. I gave the outcome of each day to something bigger then myself and found more delight, excitement and love in those months than in the many years I have spent trying to control my life and it’s outcomes.
So it is with that realization, that I begin this journey.
It is my desire to share this journey and the moments along the way with you so that together we can enjoy the story that unfolds and collectively thank our minds and egos for their need for control and significance, but also let them know that they are no longer needed.
I choose to live this next chapter of my life above the line, and I look forward to the many unpredictable moments to come…